101 Things To Do In A Christmas Service

I’ll not have a huge amount of internet access over the next week, so here’s something festive to keep you all occupied in the meantime: can you think of 101 Things To Do In A Christmas Service? VMC to you all.

  1. Hand out fireworks, telling people they are incense candles to light during prayers.
  2. Bring a pile of “Inclusive Winterval” cards to give to your friends in church.
  3. Sing “Jingle Bells” or “We 3 Kings of Orient Are, One in a Taxi, One in a car…” during every carol or hymn.
  4. Or even worse, sing “Merry Christmas” by Slade.
  5. If there’s a nativity sketch, shout “it’s behind you!” at inappropriate moments…
  6. …or “Oh no he isn’t!” at the angels when they declare that Jesus Christ is born today.
  7. Mutter loudly that Jesus wasn’t born at Christmas time anyway.
  8. Call the minister “Santa” and ask him for your present.
  9. Come dressed in as much tinsel as possible, with a trees-worth of flashing lights on your hat.
  10. Stand up and declare “He is risen!” and throw mini Easter eggs around the church.

4 thoughts on “101 Things To Do In A Christmas Service

  1. 12. Sing the descant to “O Come All Ye Faithful” regardless of what carol is actually being sung.

    13. During quiet moments in the sermon turn to the person next to you and complain rather too loudly “It’s very cold in here, isn’t it.”

    14. When shaking hands with the minister at the end of the service say, “Since I behaved myself, can I have my present now please as you promised?” When s/he says s/he doesn’t remember start shouting “YOU LIAR!! How can we believe ANYTHING you say?!”

    15. Play Church Bingo. Once the minister has said the words “Jesus”, “Bethlehem”, “Angels”, “Incarnation” and “Elven Grotto” stand up and exclaim loudly “HOUSE!”

    16. As people are queuing to leave ask them if they are saved or if they only come at Christmas. Tut at them no matter what their answer.

    17. Come dressed as Santa but with playful plastic devil horns.

    18. Bring all your presents and unwrap them noisily throughout the service, exclaiming “Aww, I didn’t want that” and offering them to congregation members nearby. “Do you want that?”

    19. At the end of the service ask someone “When is this Christmas thing, anyway?”

    20. or “Right … a bit far fetched that a bit, is it not? Hmmm? A little human coming out of a woman?!”

  2. Number 8 reminds me of a scrape that I got into at church last year. The minister was doing a little talk at the end of a November service, and quipped “Of course, we’re all looking forward to the arrival of someone special…” To which my friend Sarah and I, who were both on the worship team and therefore mic-ed, went “Santa?”. Cue an amused congregation and a slightly baffled minister. Silliness!

    Cxx

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