I went to the chippy tonight because it’s Saturday and I couldn’t be bothered cooking. Guess who was in front of me in the queue? Go on, guess.
Oh, alright, it was Billy Connolly.
In. My. Local. Chippy.
Which reminds me, I was walking to work the other day and I could have sworn Robbie Coltrane drove past me in a Cadillac. And I saw the bald bloke who played the bank manager in City Lights, on Byres Road not long ago too.
None of them recognised me. Not that they let on, anyway.
Robbie Coltrane is now three times larger than any car, so you couldn’t have seen him drive past. Perhaps in a lorry trailer though.
Some of the guys in my band played for his 50th birthday a while back. The celebrity guest list was unreal:
Steve Martin, Robin Williams, Michael Parkinson, (sting couldn’t make it) and numerous others.
Later in the evening, Billy was showing the musicians around the house. Apropos of nothing…
Big Yin: “Aye, it’s a nice place to live. Have you stolen anything?”
Band (spluttering) “what? No!!”
Big Yin: “Ach, come on! Call yourselves musicians? Stick something in your pocket!”
Sadly, this is the closest I have come to meeting a celebrity.
Ah, no wait! I met Roy Walker out , erm, walking… his dogs on the beach at West Kilbride. Best thing my wife could think of saying…
“It’s Roy Walker! We hear you every morning on ‘car park catch-phrase'”
He looked nonplussed.