I was back at St Silas this morning for the first time in nearly a month. It was a lovely service and a great chance to catch up with people and get back into the swing of things.
We celebrated (observed?) communion, and because I have a few squint teeth at the back of my mouth, I spent the latter part of the service attempting to pick dry bread from some really hard to reach gaps in my mouth.
I always reckon that besides the folk dishing out the bread and wine, there should be a third person giving out toothpicks. Either that or we should be allowed to swill and spit when it comes to the wine.
But it got me thinking. How could we improve the delivery of the sacraments? Between the readers of this blog, I’m sure there must be plenty ideas. 101, in fact…
- Give out toothpicks to help people who have bread stuck between their teeth.
- Offer a bucket for those who want to swill and spit their wine.
- Have individually wrapped sachets of butter to go with the bread.
- Use Irn Bru instead of wine.
- Encourage people to come in fancy dress. Extra wine for the best costumes.
- Issue a health warning beforehand – “Transubstantiation does not mean the church endorses cannibalism”
- Replace bread with tapas, so people have a wider choice of nibbles.
- If you use wafers, have a competition to see whose can last longest without chewing.
- Distribute the bread pantomime-style, by throwing it at the congregation from the pulpit.
- Have small gas stoves on the communion table for those who prefer mulled wine and croutons.