simonvarwell.co.uk

A hair-brained journey across the globe

There are twenty-eight places in the world that contain the word “mullet” in their name. Most are insignificant villages or creeks in far corners of the English-speaking world. One is in a land blighted by war and natural disaster. One is 190 feet below water. Another doesn’t even exist. From Albania to Australia to Haiti, mullets are found not just on heads but on maps.

My mission in life is to visit them all.

The roots of the mission

My bemused fascination (some would say unhealthy obsession) with mullets began while travelling with university friend Niall round eastern Europe and the Middle East in 2001.

Niall was a keen mullet-spotter, and began constructing a Mullet League Table of all the towns and villages we visited. I joined in, and was quickly sucked into the dark and compelling world of mulletology.

Mullets are haircuts which are short at the front and sides but long at the back, and hark back to a by-gone age of permed footballers and curly 1980s rock stars. They are a perversion to all that is decent in society.

Somehow, though, they persist, lurking in all areas of society, on street corners, in shops, on trains, and most recently in trendy nightclubs and even on television. They are met with revulsion from the fashion police on the one hand, and with an excited admiration from dedicated, anoraked, mullet-spotters on the other.

I fall awkwardly between the two camps – feeling both abhorrence and also the thrill of the chase when I see one… wishing the world could be rid of the outrageous cuts, but also knowing the world would be a duller place without the complicated scoring system and the dream of beating my all-time best of 17 points in a day. Which was in Nottingham, if you’re interested.

A couple of years later, surfing the web while bored at work one day, I discovered that there was a village near Tirana in Albania with the wonderful and simple name of Mullet. This set my mind wandering, and within an afternoon I had discovered more places with “mullet” in their name.

What would these places be like? Would they have anything in common, other than a hair-related name? Would they be dark and sordid hotbeds of mulletry themselves? And should I not stop faffing about on the internet and get some work done?

I bagged my first “mullet” in Albania (or so I thought at the time), and since then have been to Ireland, Australia, England, Canada, New Zealand and the USA on the hunt for more.

Spreading the word

The mission has been covered in, amongst many other countries…

Scotland – the Highland News, Press and Journal, Daily Record and BBC Radio Scotland’s “Macaulay and Co” show. You may be relieved to know that I turned down the Sunday Post’s request for an interview. Australia – the Illawarra Mercury, Bundaberg News-Mail and Sydney Morning Herald, plus ABC Radio National and Triple J, and local radio in Bundaberg, Perth and Brisbane; and the Southern Cross Ten television show “State Focus Queensland”. Oh yes, and the newsletter of “The Mullets” amateur touch rugby team in Adelaide. England – the London edition of the Metro, the Sun, and the Daily Mirror; and the breakfast show of BBC Radio Suffolk. Canada – the Mississauga News (twice). New Zealand – TVNZ’s Close Up show (non-flash | flash), the Marcus Lush breakfast show on RadioLIVE (listen), the Sunday Star Times, the NZ Herald, RNZ National’s Summer Report show, the Nelson Mail and probably lots more I don’t know about, all during what was obviously a very slow new month. Albania – the ever-indispensable Shekulli newspaper (see blog).

Do you life in one of the places listed on the right that I am yet to visit? Maybe you could tell me something about the place before I go there, by emailing me on iliveinamullet@simonvarwell.co.uk.

If you work for the media in any of the places listed in the right, I’d love to make an appeal to your readers or listeners for help, perhaps along the lines of this article in the Illawarra Mercury. If you can help, please contact me on mulletmedia@simonvarwell.co.uk.

Keep up with the latest!

The last mullets I visited were in New Zealand in January 2008.

In September 2009 I made an unsuccessful attempt to visit Mullet Island in California and explore “Mulletville” in Washington, USA.

Not long after that, I made the decision that the mission will involve visiting the 28 on the list, and no more.

You can read the mullet-related posts in my blog to get the very latest updates.

There are also photos in my Flickr mullet-hunting set, and a full interactive guide on my mullet mission map (below, or in Google Maps).

In February 2010, Sandstone Press published my first book, Up The Creek Without A Mullet, telling the story of the origins of the mission and the first three adventures.